Weel weel weel...bet you taught I'd been kindnapped its beeeen so long since you heard from me!
Well I'm not kidnapped a'tall but I might just as well have been you know left in that horrible old rucksack most of the time in these last 6 weeks!! And the only reason I'm out of there now is so I can tell you all about Laos cause those Heywood's can't be bothered to tell you themselves, treat me like a wee slave I tell ye! Them Heywood ones didn't reallie like Laos that much, they said the people weren't very friendly and that all the food was too expensive and not very nice. But I mean I don't tink they've ever lived in Dublin because the food seemed reallie cheap to me! But I'm only a leprechaun, and I can't comment on the taste to be sure because I'm on a solid diet of lucky charms (me favorite!) and I never reallie try the local delicacies...
You know we travelled all the way up that Laos country, and I tink the Heywoods like self punishment or someting cause there's these here VIP buses which I tink are an ideal way for a leprechaun of me own standing to travel, and i tink John and Louise would be able to get on them too if they paid enough money, but anyway, they always tink it's a brilliant idea to try the local transport....(sigh)....you'd tink they'd know better but they like to “experience” the culture and “travel with the locals” blah blah blah...So anywey, we got on this local bus one day and it was supposed to take like six hours, which is manageable, but did it take six hours?! Noooo no no no, it took eleven!!! I mean, eleven hours! I don't tink there even are eleven hours of roads in Ireland! But it wasn't really that the road took eleven hours it was the stoopid driver! He seemed to tink he was in charge of preparing for a national famine cause we drove for a wee while then stopped to load up the bus with flour sacks. And he put them in the isle of the bus, like tree bags high!
So everyone had to climb up onto them to get out every time we stopped, which was quite often. I tink maybe the bus was special and needed special driving cause I don't tink we ever drove for more than an hour at a time and then every time we stopped the bus needed something added (like flour that first time, then bags of nooodles and one time a scooter had to be strapped on the back too) and even if we didn't add anything the bus seemed to need big rests, like for a hour or so at a time ...so it just took weally loooong! I tink Louise and John taught it was foony for like the first eight hours, but after that they weren't weally smiling so much.
So when we eventually got to where we were going it was dark! It was quite foony weally! Cause the tuk-tuk drivers wanted too much money to take us to a hotel so John set off to find a phone and he went over to these here hotels in the bus station and while he was away this man came over to me and Louise and asked if we were looking for a hotel and Louise was just saying “no no we're fine we have a booking” because sometimes these men try to make you go to their hotel which is weally rubbish anyway the man then said that he had seen John go over to those hotels and he just wanted us to know they were brothels and maybeee we would want to look somewhere else! I tink Louise agreed the way she said tank you and then kept looking over to try and see John and eventually John came back and announced we could get a lift with the hotel owner for a small fee...well less money than the tuk-tuk drivers wanted anyway! So off we went, the tree of us and a pimp to the place where backpackers stay.
After that Louise and John went to this amazing cave on a motorbike! It looked sooo exciting! But I didn't get to go! They said they couldn't get a helmet small enouf for me and anyway they needed me to do a weally important job and stay at the hotel and mind their bags. It was so unfair, they got to zoom off and have all this here fun and they left me behind! I suppose that's just the life of a leprechaun...at least I got to see Luang Prabang in the north of Laos, which I tink was their second favourite place in Laos after the cave...I tink though, as usual, they liked it because it had nice food!
So there you are now! Larrys' Laos...and I'll have to agree wit the Heywood's on one ting, some of it was ok, but I won't be rushing back there anytime soon!
Larry
