Motorcycle Diaries – 1 Scotsman, 1 Irish Woman, 1 motorbike and 36 hours.

Let us get one thing straight, we both hate motorbikes. They don't stand up on their own, if you crash you will get some kind of injury from a small cut to an amputation, they are noisy, uncomfortable and we both don't know how or have ever ridden one (bar Louise driving a scooter in Croatia for one day with some Brian O'Driscol loving, curly haired jabbering Irish woman on the back)!

Right, now that that is clear I shall begin.

Deep within central Laos is a place called Kong Lo Cave, a 7.5km section of river that passes through a limestone mountain and conveniently you can take a boat trip right up through it and back down again. The downside is that it is 240km from the nearest big town, local public transport would take about two days to get there and to do an organised day trip would cost approximately £70 each (way too big a chunk of our budget!). The result being if we really wanted to do it in the time we desired we were left with only one choice, hire a motorbike and drive there ourselves.

As per the reasons described in the first paragraph we weren't too chuffed by this thought. We got over it and decided this was all part of the traveling experience and we would have a good story to tell at the end. We proceeded to hire a manual 110cc Kolao electric blue torture instrument (explanation to follow). As I had never ridden one ever before and Louise's only experience was a twist 'n' go scooter we asked the kind Mr Ku who rented the bike to us to

explain how exactly one did ride a manual bike. His lesson comprised of showing us up and down on the gear change and pointing down the lane with an overly cheerful 'OK?' It turned out to be quite a simple affair and we could reasonably manage up and down the lane with minimal fuss. We relaxed a bit when quite comically it ran out of fuel when we tried to drive with both of us on and had to wheel it back to Mr Ku. After a couple of trials on the main road and a run for petrol we decided that we had made the right decision and went in search for dinner. We stepped out onto the side of the road chatting about taking it slowly initially, we have plenty of time etc.. when there was an almighty crash. We both looked up in time to jump, yes jump, out of the way of one of two bikes that had just crashed on the road as it flew towards us. This obviously didn't help our state of mind, especially considering that the accident probably happened because one of the drivers was travelling the wrong way down the side of the road, not an uncommon sight here. Also one of the drivers could not have been much older than 11 years old, fortunately both drivers seemed to be ok but there was enough blood to give us a little too much to worry about. We obviously decided to carry on with our trip but we didn't have the best nights sleep after that, Louise especially.

However we woke the next morning, stored our rucksacks and marched out to meet our destiny..........well not really. We actually nervously approached the bike, working our how we were going to carry our small backpacks. After a little prayer we cautiously headed out into the streets of Tha Khaek and made our way to Route 13 and the first 100km of our trip. We did take our time, to the tune of an average speed of 25km/hr (16mph). Some of you may laugh but I don't care, you haven't driven on the streets of Laos! We did eventually build up confidence and moved up to the heady speeds of 50 kph and managed to finish the first stretch in 3.5 hrs. We were aware that it should have taken about two and a few days later, when we got the bus along the same road, we covered in 16 minutes what took us an hour that first day. We saw it as a little victory and celebrated by having a typically tourist price inflated lunch.

We then set off on what had been described as the most beautiful section of the journey

involving a serpentine stretch of tarmac that took us up into the limestone karsts of Laos. We ascended into and descended out of the clouds before turning south into the mountains, stopping now and again to take in the view and avoid passing buses and trucks.

The scenery is best described as Halong Bay without the water, the limestone mountains shooting up from the ocean of rice paddies as we then drove along one of the straightest roads I have ever seen. We made it to the village bordering the caves with all limbs intact and managed to find a guesthouse with little effort.

From the beginning of the day right though to the finishing point we kept on crossing paths with two guys from the same guesthouse in Tha Keak. Matty, from Germany, was an accomplished biker, owning one back home and quite

often seen by us zooming past with a certain freedom that we were both missing. Job, from the Netherlands, was someone who we had absolute respect for. Not only had he, like us, never ridden a motorbike before, he did not even own a driving license! Apparently a look at his student card was sufficient for Mr Ku to rent him his very own motorbike. Anyway, we happened to stay at the same guesthouse near the caves and decided after a long day and a hot shower we all deserved a cold beer. We took a short stroll along the road and found a suitable place. We were chatting for 20 mins when we were approached by a representative of a tour company who was taking his group to a local ceremony and wondered if we would like to join them. We quickly agreed as there seemed to be little else to do and it sounded like fun.

Basically the ceremony involved the man of the house wishing you good things as he tied a bit of white cotton around your wrist and offering you a glass of beer/lao lao (rice wine).

This process was repeated by other members of the family until the beer and lao lao ran out. Everyone seemed to have a good time and the ladies had a lot of fun when they went to the toilet, quite often knocking on a neighbors door to access the facilities.

We woke bright and early and after negotiating getting breakfast at our accommodation we made our way to the caves. It started well with Matty getting his motorbike stuck and Louise duly

laughing and taking a photograph. We discovered that the boatmen had formed a very organised

committee with a fixed price and two people per boat which scuppered our plans of all sharing a boat. Well, we were paddled across the river in boats that had been submerged 10 minutes

earlier and then walked into the cave to jump onto another slightly submerged boat to head up the cave in. It was a strange thing watching the cave entrance disappear as you are enveloped

in the darkness of the cave. We stepped off about 1km inside and when our guide hit a switch to illuminate the cavern our jaws just bounced off the floor with what we saw.

A cavern 100m high and what can only be described as a scene from Star Trek, stalagmites and stalactites dropping and rising all over the place and the river running all the way through it. We walked among it all and couldn't believe this had cost us £4 each for the pleasure. At that moment we had no doubts about the decision to take a motorbike, it was quite simply worth it.

A jaunt up and down the cave, a quick ride back to the guesthouse to pick up our things, a goodbye to Matty and Job and we were back on the road. It is at this point we would like to share one of our greatest memories of our motorbike trek.....................IT WAS FLIPPIN' UNCOMFORTABLE!!!! Seriously, it was absolute torture sitting on that thing all day, with every stop getting closer to each other as the blood was more and more quickly cut off from our buttocks! It got so bad Louise had to warn me when she was about to shift about and I felt more like a daredevil when I raised myself slightly to allow circulation back into my legs.

We tried to counteract this by having regular stops but towards the end when very little was working we doggedly counted down the kilometers.

We arrived safely back having seen one of the most amazing scenery and sights the world has to

offer, with sore bums, my fingers not really working properly and no real desire to get back on a bike anytime soon. But wouldn't you know it, we did it with very little experience and a whole lot of prayer but we wouldn't change it for the world.

And by the way Matty and Job were brave enough to return to Tha Khaek via “The Loop” a journey involving unsealed and quite scary sounding roads which we just plain avoided...we have given them this blog address, so Matty and Job, if you are reading stick up a comment and let us know how you got on!!

P.S. Any of you who are bikers, seriously get a life and buy a convertible.